Empowering Women: Confidence, Vulnerability, and the Journey Within

I have had a heart and a passion for women for more years than I can remember. My goal is to see women mentally whole—to help them recognize their true strength and realize they can be self-confident and sure of themselves while still embracing sensitivity and vulnerability. I want every woman to feel, deep down, that she has the strength to overcome any challenges life brings. And let’s be honest, we all have faced and will continue to face challenges.

While some of our struggles are related to outward appearance—such as body image, weight, and so on—my main focus is on what’s inside. Our hearts, emotions, self-worth, self-confidence, and self-esteem matter most. If we lack these essential qualities, nothing else will feel quite right.

Being comfortable and confident

There’s a big difference between being comfortable in our skin and hating our skin. Personally, I am comfortable in my skin. I enjoy looking my best, wearing clothes I love, and adding touches like a fresh haircut or a bit of color to present my best self. Feeling confident often starts with feeling good about how I look. But I don’t love the weight I’m at right now. Do I hate myself for it, or try to hide my body in shame? No, I don’t. I might try to minimize my tummy (where I carry most of my weight), but when I mention wanting to lose weight, people have told me I look good and don’t need to lose anything. Still, I am working to shed the pounds I’ve gained over the last decade. Some of it is hormonal—menopausal weight gain is real! —and some came after leaving a 30-year mentally and emotionally abusive marriage. When I left, my body seemed to say, “Okay, I’m done!” This is my example of being self-confident and comfortable in my skin, even while acknowledging areas I can improve.

Life is unpredictable. We all encounter bumps in the road, unexpected turns, detours, and the infamous U-turns. We’ve ridden roller-coasters, merry-go-rounds, and even the Mad Hatter's Teacup ride at Disneyland, the one that spins you in circles while the teacups themselves twirl. We’ve climbed mountains only to rappel down the other side, stood at crossroads not knowing which way to go, and sometimes felt like the hound in “The Fox and the Hound” cartoon, endlessly asking, “Which way did he go?”—but for us, it’s, “Which way do I go?” That’s life. I’ve wanted to get off the roller-coaster more than once, and I’m sure you have, too.

All of these events teach us different things. Some of them teach us that we can make it to the other side a little stronger than we were before. Some of them teach us how to respond to situations and circumstances, maybe a little differently than we did the first time, or, looking back at the situation or circumstance, we did handle it in the best way for us at the time. And still others show us how to interact with others and ourselves in a better way than we did before.

Don't compare your confidence to anyone else's

Self-confidence looks different for every woman. Don’t expect your self-confidence to mirror your friends or someone you admire, because it won’t. For one woman, it’s managing a house full of rambunctious kids without running out screaming (at least not every day!). For someone else, it’s knowing that they can respectfully stand up for themselves to that domineering boss who is trying to tear them down. But we also need to learn to be vulnerable when we need to be. We need to be able to encourage and support others while not losing our strengths. We need to be able to sit in a meeting with that one co-worker who tries to take over the meeting and keep them from taking over, while we are encouraging the shy co-worker to speak up and share the fantastic ideas they have. It’s a balance. That’s the kind of confidence I hope every woman finds.

We are not perfect. We won’t always succeed in being confident when we should be or be vulnerable when we should be. Support from other women is one of the things all women need. We need those who cheer us on when we are scaling that mountain. Those who throw us the party when we have reached the top of the mountain. They will guide us when we are trying to repel from the mountaintop. And those who will let us be our most vulnerable without judgment when we are walking through the valleys before or after the mountains.

Who's in your corner?

I heard an analogy years ago that stuck with me—a powerful visual from the Bible. In the story, a man’s friends couldn’t reach Jesus because of the crowds, so they tore open the roof and lowered him down for healing. While none of us want to be the friend in need, we do want friends willing to carry our stretcher and go the extra mile for us. Do you have those friends? We only need four—one for each side of the stretcher. These four may change over the years; mine have. But I still have a couple who’ve been with me for years.

A couple of these friends have walked with me through my marriage, separation, divorce, and the whirlwind of leaving California, moving to Arizona, and then Texas within four months, starting over with no job, housing, or friends. (I had two months in California before I ended up having to leave California, and then within two months went from Cali to Arizona to Texas, that is the Mad Hatters Teacups!) Now, in another new state, I’m finding new friends who may become my stretcher-bearers, too.

I’m here to share what I’ve learned and offer ways for every woman to become her best self—to be strong while remaining sensitive to others. I’ll be giving tips, tricks, and advice. As I always say, if what I share doesn’t make sense to you, that’s okay—don’t use it. Not everything that works for me or others will work for you. But give it a try with an open mind and heart; only then can you decide if it’s not for you. Until next time, keep finding the positives and move forward one step at a time.